Posted by Lance 
Category: You’ve been awake for the past 65 hours, studying for that history exam (oh wait, Arts is easy…), I mean, that biology exam, and you don’t feel like you can memorize any more protein synthesis structures — what do you do?
A) Call it a night and go to sleep.
B) Start drafting up plans to steal the exam answers
C) Pay off your family doctor to dress up like you and take the test for you
D) Pop open another Redbull
E) Put on some Kelly Clarkson on your ipod, dance around the library, and start a rave.
If you answered D, you’ve most likely been sucked into the advertising ploys of the soft drink super-corps that force you to depend on the temporary high gained from the highly caffeinated, bovine-mascot sporting, energy drink. Of course, if you’ve ever been spotted walking around with one of these angelic-apendature granting liquids, you’ve undoubtedly been given the judgemental line, “You know, those are bad for you!” I mean, every time I hear that, I’ve most likely already downed a can of liquid fury, so my emotional and mental judgment capability is slightly skewed, causing me to want to pummel their face in. But, regardless of how hyped up on caffeine and taurine I am, I would never hurt another human being. Unless they insult Miley Cyrus. But I digress.
Today we’re going to dive into the truth/science behind energy drinks, and hopefully by the end, we’ll come to a conclusion, or something.
Let’s get some background information.
Where do Energy Drinks Come From?
Well, the answer is simple. All energy drinks, whether they be the 5-hour bursts, or the full fledged rock stars, come from the forhead sweat of Samuel L. Jackson.
Actually, if you look at the label, you see Caffeine, Taurine, Chuck Norris’ Urine, Guarana, and Ginseng are some common ones. Caffeine is a stimulate found in coffee, as most of you know, that increases your heart rate and blood pressure, while also dehydrating you. Taurine is an amino acid that your body naturally produces. Unfortunately, the manufacturers can’t syphen out their own taurine from their bodies, so they kill pitbulls and take it from them. Just joking.
Guarana comes from plants, Guarana is also an herb that produces a similar secretion to a conicowhatever hormone. In other words, they’re natural products.
Ok so thats a brief overview of the contents, and there are quite a few more – like B vitamins, creatine, etc. But let’s move on.
Are they bad for me?
Well, before we answer that, lets establish one thing – they DO give you an energy burst, and they enhance mental alertness. Studies have shown that by even rinsing your mouth out with an energy drink can enhance performance. A study that had cylcists wash their mouth out with energy drinks showed that after doing so, their times improved. And of course, if you need proof that they do work, just go drink 10 redbulls. (Don’t. You’ll see why later.)
So here’s the scoop. Yes, energy drinks do have adverse affects. Let’s start with caffeine. It dehydrates you if you have too much, and this is never a good thing. So if you’re using energy drinks as thirst quenchers during a sporting event, that’s a bad idea. The taurine and ginseng also contribute to raising blood pressure. That’s not always a bad thing, but moderation is key. Obtaining energy from simple sugars such as the sugars in common energy drinks does give a slight boost, but we’ve all experience the crash that soon follows. Finally, the most negative effect of energy drinks, is being too hyper and obnoxious like this kid on the left, (or one of the Starrett’s. Holla.) which ultimately makes your friends hate you, and you lose any chance of gettin in with the ladies.
What about long term effects? Well, it’s hard to say at this point what kind of damage you’re doing to your system. Energy drinks haven’t been consumed in the amounts that are being seen in today’s culture. It will be difficult to point out any long term affects until they are being tangible proven. However, there are some long term effects of artificial sweeteners that are present in energy drinks – but those are not unique to this particular beverage. Even Koolaid is guilty of the same crime. Another effect is quite simply addiction. Not in the sense that there are particular additives that make your body crave energy drinks – rather, you simply become dependent on the temporary rush obtained from these drinks.
Ok. Give me some CRAZINESS.
So in France, apparently, RedBull is banned, after an Irish student drank 4 cans and died.
A tenth grade student died in Florida directly due to mixing redbull and alcohol.
A student died in a nightclub a while back after chugging 4 redbulls and going out to dance.
In China, Red Bull (or the equivalent) is not carbonated, and is regularly used as a remedy for the common cold.
So what is the conclusion?
Yeah, energy drinks have side-effects. We knew that. But here’s my take on it. Look at the alternative options to energy drinks:
- Alcohol
- Lots of Candy
- Continue on with life being eternally sleepy
- Eating healthy foods rich in amino acids and complex & simple sugars
- Become a Power Ranger
My point here, is that although energy drinks do have side effects, at least you’re not pummeling your liver, acting like a complete moron thinking you’re hot stuff, AND you’ll actually remember the next morning. Sure, for you low self-esteem types, who need the added boost from alcohol to man up and talk to the opposite sex, or if you result to drinking to forget about your troublesome life, maybe alcohol helps. I’m just saying as far as getting “buzzed” goes, Redbull doesn’t have any of the above side effects. And if you need help with your self esteem or your life issues, check out a few of my earlier posts about Shiloh Youth Group or Revolution. That will fix your confidence issues and your life issues.
BUT ANYWAYS. Conclusion:
Energy Drinks are not as bad as people make them out to be. If you’re drinking one every hour, then you may encounter problems. But energy drinks are more healthy than coffee, less harmful than some of the sugars in soda, and they don’t make you look like a retard. So next time someone says “You know, those are bad for you”… finish your redbull, and kick the snot out of them.
Tags: Drinking, Energy Drinks, Food, Power Rangers, Red Bull, Samuel L. Jackson, Science, Side Effects, Tired —
September 18th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Can i take a one small pic from your blog?
Thank you
Elcorin